Vent

Rob was texting me last night when he got off of work, and it woke me up from a deep sleep. I'll just post the conversation on here:

Rob: Yea I'm off love. You want me to come over after I get off tomorrow?

Me: How would you come when you get off tomorrow? I thought you closed

Rob: I do so I wouldn't be there till like midnight so would you rather me just come in the morning?


Me: It is up to you. As long as you're safe


Rob: Well it's up to you baby. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to Ruth about an apartment


Woah, woah, woah.. back up. What? I didn't read that text until I woke up this morning. I do not want to move to Mt. Vernon. I don't know how many times I can preach that. I don't care how selfish I sound. Why move to Mt. Vernon? Because of his work, Ryan's? Ryan's sucks so bad. It's not like he couldn't find an equal, or better job around here. Why does he get everything? He gets a baby without going through any of the pain, he gets to choose where to live too? I want to be as comfortable as possible during this pregnancy. The thought of Mt. Vernon depresses me so bad. I'd feel so alone. I don't have a car, I can't just drive anywhere I want to. I couldn't get up and drive back to Highland to see my family anytime I wanted to. But he could. If he moved here, he could drive back to Mt. Vernon to see his friends and family. And hey, if I don't want to go one week then that's fine. He could still go. I wouldn't keep him from visiting with them. But I'd be stuck. What if he's at work and something happens to me and I have to go to the ER? I wouldn't have a way.


My doctor is here, too. I love my doctor. She's so nice, and she makes me feel so comfortable. All of the doctors around here do. Shouldn't I be with a doctor that I like? I know I sound absolutely horrible, but I don't know any other way to get across how I feel. I do not want to move to Mt. Vernon. I spent 15 years of my life in that shit hole. That's exactly what it is, a shit hole.


And yes, I did text Rob and told him how I felt, but he's obviously still asleep because I sent it before 6AM. I couldn't even go back to sleep after I read that. This is what I said to him though:


'I really don't want to live in Mt. Vernon :( My doctor is here, my family. I want to be as comfortable as possible during my pregnancy, with no stress. I think we need to talk about things instead of jumping into them because we're a family now. I feel like I have to give up so much already. My body, mine and now where I want to live? It's not like you couldn't find an equal or better job around here. Ryan's isn't really a place to sacrafice over.'


Now let me make one thing straight. If he had an amazing job there, and couldn't leave, then I would understand completely and I would feel more comfortable about it. But he works at a min. wage job. He could easily find a min. wage job here...